My bad luck saint: Joseph Cupertino

When life just seems to give me lemons, I do not make lemonade. I pray to St.Jospeh Cupertino.

Nobody had it harder than him, not even the martyrs. This poor boy was unwanted, unloved, and even those who had a good and generous heart found it hard to love him. He was dull, witless, strange and odd, "stupid" (their words), couldn't seem to learn anything. He had no ambition within him to do anything with his life and compared himself to a mule. Later in life, he even nicknamed himself Brother Ass. On top of all of this, he was sickly with the most annoying and disgusting illnesses. Not enough to kill him but enough for him to be a burden to others. Colds and even ulcers that would ooze and make a mess of him.

He flunked out of school even though he tried his best. He was made to be a shoemaker but couldn't make shoes. He was absent minded and would often stare off into space, trying to remember what he was supposed to do. His parents couldn't stand him and just wanted him to go away, because he was a disgrace to the family. He tried to enter a monastery to become a brother but was rejected by all of them. One finally took him in, but after a while, when they saw that he couldn't seem to do anything right, they kicked him out and stripped him of his garments. On top of this, he couldn't seem to find all of his lay clothes that he had come in, and so he was forced to leave only half-dressed. Dogs came after him and attacked him, ripping his clothes to shreds even more. He wandered the streets but because of his appearance and his strangeness, he was either beat up or ignored. He went to his Uncle who sent him to his mother, and he went to his mother, who was so angry that he was back in her care that she forced the Franciscans to take him back.

And so he was made to be a keeper of a mule, thus came the name Brother Ass. But soon despite his clumsiness, his strangeness and dullness, he found humor in everything, because he learned that everything bad that happened actually had something humorous about it. He took care of the animals, was happy to sleep on his bed that was a plank of wood, and took in the poorest of the poor that approached him. Soon, the brothers were seeking him out, attracted by his grace and love for others.

They decided to give him another try. And again, he failed at everything. And yet, somehow, by the grace of God, he was ordained a priest.

Soon, his "absent-mindedness" became a deep mental prayer where he lost all sight of everything but God. In these "fits" as he called them, the brothers would poke him with pins or burn his hands. When he would come to, he would awaken to find his hands either bloody or burned, although he never suffered pain. He would laugh about this too and say, "You see what my brothers have to do to awaken me from my fits! They have to cut my hand or burn them!"

And then, the most famous story of all, is when Joseph began to levitate. He levitated so often that it wasn't unusual to find him sitting in trees, or to suddenly levitate during a meal. At one point, when a cross was being erected onto a church, Joseph took the cross and flew into the sky and put it on himself.

He had the gift of healing and could cure the blind and make the lame walk. He had the gift of bi-location as well and was seen in many places at once. He had the gift of communing with the animals; he said the litany of Mary with the sheep with them "baaing" in response. In thanksgiving to the nus that lived nearby who he went begging to, he told them he would send a little sparrow to sing their morning and evening prayers with them. This little bird came every morning and evening for many months, as long as Joseph lived in the same area.

And then for some strange reason, Joseph was excommunicated though no one knows why--not even Joseph. He was held prisoner for ten years and during this time, Joseph simply spent it loving God. However, there wasn't much that could be done with his gift of bi-location--though he was held prisoner, he was still seen around the neighborhood.

Eventually Joseph died (after being released for the last six years of his life to the Franciscans), and his only request was that his body be buried in a location where no one would think to find it and to simply be forgotten. Because this was how St.Joseph knew how to live his life, even at the very end.

I failed my test the other day and was so tempted to give in to self-pity. It seems that I fail at a lot of things and sometimes I wonder if God is just "setting me up." But then I think of St.Joseph of Cupertino and  by perspective, no one had it worse than him. I simply can't complain.

More than that, I remember that God lifts up the lowly and this is what He did with Joseph. I guess we all need a saint who had it worse than us, that was "dumber" than us, that was a failure more than anyone I have known--including myself--to the point that even the religious couldn't stand being around him.

Rather sad, but true.

Thank you, St.Joseph of Cupertino, for willing to be that saint, for allowing God to keep lowly in the eyes of the world. For showing us what He will do if we are faithful, if we are patient, and allow Him to mold us in His hands. May we all have the deep humility that you have had, to be disgraced and humbled, at least once in a while.

And finally,  to be lifted up high in His hands, letting the world see what God can make out of us, despite our biggest disappointments and failures. That it's not about us at all--only Him!

St.Joseph of Cupertino, pray for us!!

A "walking on water" moment

²² Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. ²³ After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, ²⁴ and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
²⁵ Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. ²⁶ When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
²⁷ But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
²⁹ “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
³¹ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
³² And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. ³³ Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” (Matthew 14:22-33)


Everyone has their "walking on water" moment, and I'm having mine. That moment when we have to set our eyes on Christ, because if we don't, we'll sink.  But we all come to a point in our lives where we must question ourselves, do I truly believe that God is God or don't I? 

I do believe, but I must admit there are times I cry out, "Lord, save me!" because suffering scares me. But then I realize the only time I ever really suffer is when I doubt Him.

After my doubt passes, I too, say, "Truly, you are the Son of God."

It is why we suffer, that we may believe.

Trusting God

I was thinking today, if everyone trusted in God completely, think of what God would accomplish in them! Perhaps everyone would be saints. It would be a completely different world.

For Lent, I'm working on giving up worrying. Actually, seeing that that is such a huge and impossible thing to give up, I'm instead focusing on trust. Again, it's hard to do because it's my habit to worry.

Even though we have an answer to Luke's health issues, the recent PANDAS diagnosis has started the worry again. How long will it take to get healed from the strep infection? Will the damage be permanent? Is it reversible? I had read somewhere that PANDAS can start up again with every infection. So does that mean the tic will come back?

But then I catch myself and realize what I'm doing. What good does it do to worry? It only causes me stress. Yesterday I fell asleep on the couch (I never do that) and then ended up sleeping for two hours, even though I slept well the night before.

A meditation from the diaries of St.Faustina: 

On one occasion, the Lord said to me, Why are you fearful and why do you tremble when you are united to Me? I am displeased when a soul yields to vain terrors. Who will dare to touch you when you are with Me? Most dear to Me is the soul that strongly believes in My goodness and has complete trust in Me. I heap My confidence upon it and give it all it asks (Diary, 453).

On one occasion, I felt an urge to set to work and fulfill whatever God is demanding of me. I entered the chapel for a moment and heard a voice in my soul saying, Why are you afraid? Do you think that I will not have enough omnipotence to support you? At that moment, my soul felt extraordinary strength, and all the adversities that could befall me in carrying out God’s will seemed as nothing to me (Diary, 527).

My focus for Lent: Jesus, I trust in You. Jesus, I trust in You. Jesus, I trust in You.

And life goes on

This week has been great. Honestly, it is my Easter in my Lent. I was so bogged down by worry that I couldn't seem to feel anything else.

I have been learning a lot about trust in God and what it means. It means to "let go" of your worry and not treat it as your possession. I have heard about this but never been able to put it into practice. Perhaps I haven't had something to really worry about until this happened with Luke. It's easy to worry and stress over little things and not even realize it. It's easy to let that worry become such a normal part of your life that you don't recognize it stress and worry, but rather, just a way of coping.

And then something big happens that shakes up your world, something totally out of your control, and you realize that you not only feel anxious but literally sick with worry--so sick that you can't eat or sleep. And worse than that, no one can help you, because not even the professionals can solve the problem, they don't have the answers and the only One that does have the answer won't reveal it to you, simply because it's not time yet.

And so I learned to wait and trust and wait and trust. But also to persist and pursue God in prayer. To never give up on prayer and to wait for Him to answer you--because you finally realize that He will answer you, because He's God, and it's just a matter of time. His time. That is what I've learned about trust, and I'm still learning and practicing.

In other aspects of our life, we are working on getting back to normal. Luke is back to school full time and the teachers have been very helpful. I am back to learning about dogs and trying to focus on finishing what I started. That includes the kitchen cabinets, by the way. I am really happy with the way they're looking!

I am looking forward to spring. That warm spell spoiled me that it seems unnaturally cold right now, even though the cold air is seasonal for this time of year. Today it snowed a little bit and Max didn't even recognize it. He told me that "ash" was flying through the air. I guess I can't blame him, because the neighbors were burning branches, so maybe that's why he assumed he saw ash instead of snow. But then later, Henry told me there was "dust" flying in the air. My kids don't even recognize snow anymore!

Day 3 on Lent. It's going well, but then, I can't be complaining already, can I? :-)  I have given up Facebook once again and as my "add-on", I am trying to always keep the kitchen clean. Being off of Facebook more often does give me more time to clean, I will admit, but it's still hard to get done.

Very quickly on our new addition, Ace. It has been an up and down experience. Ace and Joey don't always get along, or so it seems. One dog is stronger than the other, and that seems to be Ace. Joey naturally is shy and timid, however, he is also insecure. The first week that Ace was here, Joey would growl and Ace if he got too close. We always corrected Joey on that, but Ace would just duck his head and back away. He seemed to understand that he was on Joey's territory and was trying to be respectful.

But lately, Ace has been correcting Joey. When Joey tried to growl at Ace again, Ace gave him a sharp bark, Joey yelped in fear and ran away. This has happened a few times where Ace corrects Joey. I have to admit, it shakes us all up, because it happens so suddenly and for seemingly no reason at all. Sometimes I have no idea what started it. I suppose from a dog trainers perspective, it's very interesting to watch but from a mom's perspective that wants no dog fights in the house, it's hard to see it that way.

One thing I do know is that you have to allow dogs to figure out where they stand with each other. I try not to interfere in their "discussions" and so far, it's all been peaceful. Suspenseful, but peaceful.

Hoping to show the progress on the kitchen cabinets in the next post.