Striving back to normal

Max will be going to Cedar House today; a program that he belongs to to help him with social
interactions. His "worker" does not administer insulin and is not allowed to (I think they should rethink
their policies and get training) but I am teaching Max to prick his own finger and get a reading. He will
be able to do it, he has already done it once, it is just a matter of being comfortable with it. Lots of little things to remember: warm hands (cold hands won't draw blood well), "milk" the blood out, be careful with the reading strips (they are expensive and flimsy. Easy to drop.) He isn't ready to do it on his own yet, but hopefully by next week he will have it down and at least can monitor his own sugars if he feels any symptoms. This will at least keep him safe when he's at Cedar House.

It's hard to strive back to normal. There is a part of me that wants to be back to normal, whatever that is, but at the same time feel that I'm being pushed into it. I'm one of those people that likes to look before I leap, I like to know what I'm getting myself into. Everything has been happening so fast that I don't feel comfortable at all any more. It's hard to let him be with another caretaker who basically won't know what to do if Max's blood sugar drops. At the same time, I don't want to take Cedar House away from Max too, he's already had so many changes happen in his life.

So I'm packing Max's bag for his short 2 hour time with Cedar House (next week he will have his tote which will be easier) and as I pack, it's hard not to feel sadness. Again, just trying to process all these feelings, all these emotions. And I don't always feel like talking about it. I just sometimes want to be quiet and let it all wash through me as I continue to wait for our new normal.

Tomorrow we go to our first class at Children's to learn more about diabetes. I do not want to go. I feel pushed to a place that I don't want to go but I have no choice.