As I sit here on this sunny (but cold) Sunday afternoon, I am forcing myself to sit and ignore the many things I still have to do, and the many things that will need to be left undone until tomorrow--for fear of going against the Commandment of keeping Sunday holy and using it for rest. But of all the days that I get the "cleaning bug", it is on Sundays. It is on these days that I notice all the dirt and grime on the stove, the fingerprints on the windows, the stains on the carpet, the laundry still not put away, the dog hair on the clothes, the unpainted wall that I still haven't gotten to.
And then the guilt comes about things that are neglected. The bathroom that hasn't been cleaned in over a week or longer, the smell from the boys room, reminding me I still haven't changed Henry's blankets that he soiled, the bedroom that Dennis and I sleep in and the fact that I never can get it clean.
The guilt then continues in my role as a wife and a mother. All the times I have been difficult for my family, impatient and selfish. Times when I failed as a mom, failed as a wife. The many times I know I have sinned against my family. The memories and accusation just keep coming.
It's a spiritual attack and it always comes on Sunday. The day that I try hard to keep as holy as possible--well, at least as unbusy as possible. I would love to say I stay off screens and Facebook as so many do, and that I increase my prayer time on Sundays. I try to do those things but honestly, it's only one more thing to feel guilty about.
It was actually a phone call to Dennis that reminded me that I need to not stress, and this came about in the most simplest way. He could hear the stress in my voice and casually asked what I have to do today. Being Sunday, he just assumed this day would be stress-free.
Of course he doesn't know that I have to get another dog ready to go home today, and in order to do that, I have to gather up all his stuff (the dog's), wash the dog dish, make sure I have every toy and bone, get the dog out of the kennel so he's ready for his owner (no owner wants to hear "Wait here while I get the dog out of the kennel" when he could have been out with the family), and then at the same time, clean up the house so they don't think you actually want to live in a pigsty. Then at the same time, make lunch for the kids and do the whole counting carb and insulin thing for Max. And all of this reminds you that the dishes still haven't been done, the bathroom wasn't cleaned, the laundry hasn't been done and so on.
And so Dennis's casual "What do you have to do today" made me want to laugh. Oh if only he knew.
But I guess at the same time, I thought to myself, "why do I feel like I have to do this all today?"
Sure, the house should be picked up and the dog should be ready to go, but customers aren't going to use the bathroom and I can put away the laundry basket while they are here. There's nothing I can do about dog hair and no one is going to inspect the fingerprints on the window.
A memory came to mind of my Dad saying to my mom, "You don't have to do everything in one day!" and he would say this often to her. She would often get herself in a tizzy about who-knows-what (or so I thought, at the time), and it bothered him to see her get so upset and stressed every day. Maybe it's just a woman thing, to feel like you have to do it all and beat yourself up if it doesn't get done. Maybe the devil especially enjoys riding the women with guilt, reminding them of all their shortcomings and how others suffer because of it.
But if that is the case, then this is where the strengths of the man comes in handy for the women, laid back and oblivious to what women stress about. It used to bother me that Dennis "didn't get it" and understand the long list of "to do's" that I have every day, and sometimes it still does. But today with that short phone call, when Dennis "helped without meaning to", I felt I had been given a small gift of a reminder from God that it doesn't need to be done all in one day, especially Sunday. I can "choose the better part" (Luke 10:42) and leave the dishes and finger prints one more day to enjoy the day God has set aside for us to relax and enjoy one another.
Today my mom is coming for ice cream. I cleaned the bathroom just enough for her to not feel creeped out about using it, and I did ask her to please bring some dishwasher soap so I can get the dishes done (we ran out and I'm low on money.)
But that is it. The better part wins today.
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