Friday, August 22, 2014

One more week and a few days

I suppose in my last post, I made my "big surprise" sound like it was going to rock everyone in their seats or something, so I will just start with this:

No, I am not pregnant.

No, I did not win the lottery.

Sometimes I forget that what I find to be super-exciting really isn't that exciting in the eyes of others. But still, I am very excited...that we FINALLY ordered a new front door!

I told you it wasn't super exciting!

But it just goes to show that people (speaking in general here, no one specific) really have no idea what it's like to live in a run-down house like this day after day. Yes, we still love it here. Yes, the space makes it all worth it to live in. But living in a house with space to move doesn't make the updates that are necessary easy to live with. That is why I celebrate every update--no matter how small. It means it is one less "thing" (stress) we have to live with.

This door has been an embarrassment to me. It makes the house look shabby. And though I love the inside of the house, it is hard for me to love the outside. It still looks like a garage or barn. It looks very awkward as a house. And the rotting door does not help.

 The biggest chunk of the door to peel off.

People that have seen the house ask if we could just sand the door down. I know they are just commenting and nothing more, but I hear this question from everybody. I want to say to them, "Have you looked at this door?? Really looked at it???"  This door could not take a sanding. It peels like an onion every day. Not just splinters of wood, but huge chunks. The door frame too, is breaking off chunk by chunk. There will come a day--soon--when the door will no longer close properly because the frame is gone.

Even if we could sand it down, it would have to be past all the rotting part, and then the door would be paper thin. It would also start to peel again, eventually. It is why most shops do not sell pure wooden doors anymore; they use fiberglass or steel or something stronger.

I guess my frustration is that this is just ONE of the many problems of this house. What I struggle with is that people see the space when they come over but not the problems--but only because they don't live with them.

So this is why getting a new front door is such a big deal to me. I am glad that people who stop by (neighbors, the Fed-ex man, even family) won't wonder why we have such a nasty front door anymore. I'm glad that from now on, when I drive into our driveway, I will see a nice front door with a oval window (and a storm door to protect it--even though it's made out of fiberglass) and not a rotting front door. For Dennis, as a man, it's about practicality. You don't keep a rotting front door through the winter. It's not safe or reliable. For me, as a woman, it is about looks. It is humbling and embarrassing to me to look so shabby. Not lying here, just being honest. It is difficult, and I have never thought of myself as the vain type. But God likes to turn His little rocks over and see all the nasty bugs underneath that we never knew about.

He likes to humble me, God does. I never knew I was so proud or vain, but I must be, as I constantly struggle with feelings of shame and embarrassment. I must be making some improvements though, because I'm getting a new front door. :-)

In a week and a few days.

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