The Latest Update

The latest update with Luke is that we went to see the neurologist today. Well, actually, Dennis brought him, while I finally got my crown put on my tooth (I've been putting this off for weeks.)

Long story short. The neurologist was concerned enough to give Luke an MRI right there during the appointment. I'm not sure if this is consoling or scary. Anyway, it's done, and we should know by Monday if there's anything serious going on with Luke.

I'm disappointed I couldn't be there for Luke. He got his blood drawn too, to look for antibodies in his blood, and he is scared to death of needles. I wanted to be there for those sort of things. But I wouldn't have been able to go in with him for his MRI anyway, because of my stents in my heart. It's good to know that God already saw that Luke would need some help, and arranged for Dennis to be there.

All I know is that this has been one heck of a few months. It certainly makes you not take "normal" for granted.

Anyway, I don't want to worry anyone unnecessarily, but prayers would be appreciated. Especially over the weekend. Dennis will be gone on a work trip and it will be just me and my worries all weekend.

Is is something wrong with Luke's phalange?

So after my scary IEP meeting where all the teachers dumped their worries on me about Luke regressing and claiming he should have an MRI or CAT scan, I asked them to write up their notes so I could show the doctor. We went to the appointment and she read through them and then talked to the neurologist. Long story short, he feels everything is fine. He feels this is all due to stress.

You would think I would feel instant relief and even maybe smug ("I was right!") since this is what I thought as well. But I didn't. Instead, I felt like: "What??? He's seen Luke only once! And he's making this 'educated guess' over the phone without even doing an evaluation?? Doesn't he want to see him??? Doesn't he want to do an exam first??? How can he be so sure that's it's only stress, when four other people are saying with their numbers that there is something wrong?!"


Even though I had my opinions on the matter, I also had it in the back of my head that I could be wrong. And that little tiny doubt was satisfied with knowing that a test would tell us for sure that something was wrong or not.

And now I don't even have that small comfort.

So right now, I just feel frustrated. I am back to the beginning, battling anxiety that other's dumped on my lap in an IEP meeting. I feel angry at these teachers that didn't even bring this to my attention right away and instead waited two months for a meeting. I feel angry at the arrogant neurologist who made his assessment over the phone without even reading any of these notes. I feel just pure frustration with everyone.

My emotions have been on a rollercoaster ride for the past two months, and every time I think the ride is ending and I want to get off, it starts all over again. The total lack of sensitivity is just ridiculous!

How am I feeling? Worried. Scared. Nervous. Unsure. All because of other's suspicions and another's refusal to look into it. Much like this little clip on Friends.





The power of suggestion! It is very strong, isn't it? (Notice Racheal got off the plane as well!)

I have found my peace by mentally "firing" our neurologist and placing God in his place. I've asked God to watch over Luke, alert me if something is wrong, but let me enjoy the peace that (supposedly) everything is ok.

I just don't want to not have to worry anymore, you know? I just want to get on with life. I don't want to deal with any more "left phalanges" and get off the plane for no reason.

Clean up in Asile 2

Today we went to Petco to get a pooper-scooper. Now that we have two dogs, the work is twice as much, as you can imagine. Shovels are tough to work with and even harder with the kids, and plus, scoopers are more fun, which hopefully makes the work more appealing. (The clean-up job lands mainly on the kids.)

The kids talked me into bringing both Ace and Joey into Petco, since people bring their dogs in all the time. Bad idea. As I knew would happen, Ace ended up marking Aisle #2 as his own. When we first got Ace, he was marking the house for about a week. That dog was on his way out the door, but thankfully, he got it under control.

Anyway, those accidents must happen a lot, because they had a self-serve clean up station. We were told it was over by "fire hydrant", which was a big cardboard cutout of a red fire hydrant with paper towels and sprayer. I told the boys to go by the fire hydrant to clean it up (I was busy with something else and had the two dogs with me to try to control) and I saw Max and Luke wandering back and forth, looking for the cleaning station. How they could miss the insanely large, bright red fire hydrant is beyond me. I could see it looming above the aisles and I was all the way across the store.

Just when I thought the situation was under control, I saw Luke walking towards me carrying a fire hydrant. Yes, that's right. The actual fire hydrant.

 I have no idea what Luke was planning on doing with the fire hydrant; if he was thinking he was actually going to spray the dog pee away with it or what.  Instead, I hurried Luke and the two dogs back to where he found the fire hydrant---which happened to be stationed right next to the cleaning station.

I realize that Petco probably didn't think people would get confused by putting two fire hydrants so closely stationed together, but they also hadn't met the Arganbrights yet! Haha!

While Luke was trying in vain to lift the heavy hydrant back on it's hook, I hurried with the two dogs to find someone to help him. In hindsight, I should have told him to just leave the hydrant on the floor, but I wasn't thinking. Thankfully, a guy with a sense of humor was nearby and thought the situation was funny when I told him that my son was having trouble with the fire hydrant--the actual fire hydrant. (He tried pointing me out to the cleaning station. He must have that question asked a hundred times a day.)

With that, we stumbled as a group out the door. Yes, five kids and two dogs never goes well for me but it has it's entertaining moments.

We've had people ask how things are going with us with Luke and all. As you can probably gather, things are going quite normally. (Yes, that would be a typical day for us.)

Luke appears to be just fine. Other than what the teachers have reported at school, I would never guess that anything is wrong.

As for me, as I've said before, I refuse to worry about something until we get concrete evidence that something is wrong. I have worried enough about his tic. I don't want to worry about this too.

He does have his appointment with the doctor this Wednesday. We'll see what she says. In the meantime, life goes on. Sometimes it's great, and sometimes there's clean up in Aisle 2. At any rate, we're doing just fine.

More concerns

We had just finished Max's IEP meeting, which was very long and complicated. Now we were onto Luke's IEP, which I thought would be a breeze compared to Max's. "Now for the easy one!" I joked to one of the teachers. She smiled at me but didn't say anything. Now I know why.

 Here I thought we were back on the road to normalization and instead, teachers are asking if Luke has had a CAT scan or MRI and if not, would we consider getting him one?

They stated many concerns and regressions in academics: he has forgotten everything he's learned and has to be retaught in many areas. In Phy Ed, he has had a huge set-back. Whereas last year he was average to above-average, he is now significantly is below average. His large motor skills are all screwed up. Can no longer run normally.

Can't seem to tie his shoes anymore, doesn't know how. He doesn't know how to brush his teeth anymore, I have to help him with it. He brushes his teeth much like a two or three year old would.

His OT said his handwriting has gotten significantly worse and doesn't seem to be getting better.
They were all pretty worried and said these indicators are not from missed school but signs of something going on neurologically.

What is happening to my Luke???

It was a difficult meeting and hard not to unravel in tears. So I held it all in and began to feel flushed and feverish, which is what happens when I hit my max stress.

You never want to hear teachers requesting an MRI or CAT Scan. You never want to hear them volunteer to write out all their concerns to show the neurologist at our next appointment. You never want to hear them ask for you to sign medical releases, so they can talk to the doctors freely.

I don't know what's going on with Luke. Please pray for him .

Highs and lows

Life is full of highs and lows. For me, they are happening too close together. It makes you feel like you're caught in a whirlwind of emotions.

The high: working on the remodel of the downstairs bathroom.

The low: no longer working on it for money reasons.

The high: Going to work on my first "client", watching and training a Great Dane puppy. (On Tuesdays only.)

The low: They changed their minds.

The high: Getting closer to finishing school. Making plans for work.

The low: the more I learn about the business side, the more nervous I get that it's going to actually work.

The high: got a lot of sales

The low: Despite the sales, somehow, we are still in large debt


The debt is the biggest thing, it always is. I feel like we never climb out of this hole. It is very hard to do even just the basics and necessities, and when we do, it has to go on the credit card, which makes our debt even higher.

It's discouraging.

The high: We've adopted the Angel Prayer in times of discouragement. I don't know about Dennis, but the prayer always lift my spirits a little:

My God,

I believe, I adore, I hope, and I love Thee.

I beg pardon for those who do not believe, do not adore, do not hope and do not love Thee.

Another low/high: tomorrow is Luke and Max's IEP meeting. I have mixed feelings about this. Working with the school back when Luke's tic was a mystery was difficult. My biggest fault is that I trust too much, too quickly. Assume people will care and then find out the hard way that they don't.

(Sorry, I know this is a downer post!)

There have been some that have been good, some that actually cared. But the ones I expected to care haven't. And the ones that I didn't think would care, did. It reminds me very much of the Good Samaritan story.

And then there's Max. The school suggested that he start going back to school for a few hours day/week. I thought this was a great idea, actually. It will be a good way to transition going back to school.

Yet, it will be hard to share him. I've worked so hard this year with Max. Me and Mom did. We worked hard to bring up his confidence, get him back to where he should have been academically. The school sort of frowns on homeschooling (without trying to be obvious, but little comments come here and there) and I don't want them to ruin what we've done. I hope the IEP will show us what steps to take next.

I will end on a positive note. Luke's tic seems to be fading away gradually. We've noticed that there are times he doesn't tic at all. This is great news, but I seem to be celebrating alone. Oh well.

I am happy. My prayers have been answered. We've weathered our little storm, the storm that mattered to us.

Day 5

I'm still continuing my novena to our Lady of Good Success, and on Day 5, things start to happen. Today, it was finding comfort in a stranger.

It was the receptionist at Luke's therapy for OT, of all places. Through a therapist, I found out that the receptionist's son also suffered from tics. She introduced us and left with Luke. The receptionist and I ended up talking for 40 minutes. (Thankfully, she wasn't too busy.)

She told me her story, and it mirrors Luke's story to the "t". Her son, now fifteen, also began to tic "out of the blue" from a bad cough and cold. He also was the same age as Luke when it started.

His mother, like me, began hunting for answers right away. Like me, she was led from one diagnosis to another. Finally, a neurologist was able to tell her that it was a tic.

Again, like me and Luke, they then had to find a way to help her son. She didn't want him on meds, so instead she looked to Integral Medicine and they changed his diet and found supplements to help. They also started seeing a Behavior Therapist, who specializes in RBT (Reverse Behavior Therapy.) Her son still suffers from tics (Tourette's), but has learned to control them. He also has learned to find out what his triggers are. That is the key to success.

Throughout our conversation, she was giving me handouts that was given to her through her appointments, book recommendations on tics and Tourette's, advice on what triggers tics through food (sugars, aspartame,  dyes, artificial sweeteners, MSG's and preservatives), and business cards of doctors that had helped them. But most of all, she gave me her ears, her understanding. A shoulder to cry on, though I didn't use it.

Maybe it was because it was a mom that was talking to me about tics; not a doctor, teacher or therapist. And I think she sensed in me mutual understanding of her pain because she completely opened up to me about all the pain she had gone through all these years; the lack of understanding from others, the arguments with her husband and school, and the sacrifices that had to be made with diet change.  (They chose to go through the diet change as a family.) "I still cry about it from time to time", she admitted, even after all these years. "My son is 15 now and happy with who he is. He has learned to accept that his tics are a part of him. But I still want to fix it for him."

Forty minutes of mutual understanding, of feeling validated for my own grief that I have felt. Forty minutes of good advice on life change, trigger causes (she even had a handout on that too), diet changes and "What to expect" for the future (tics morphing into different tics; illness bringing tics back full force.)

Last of all, she handed me her own business card "For if you ever want to talk," she said. "It's been so good talking to someone who knows what this is like. Thank you."

I wasn't supposed to go to therapy today. Dennis has been taking Luke lately since I have done so many of the other appointments. But for some reason, I felt like I should go today.

Anyway, Day five. Our Lady is on this.

Antiphon: Holy Mary, save the miserable, help the weak, intercede for the afflicted, plead for the people, intercede for the clergy, petition for the faithful. Permit all those who celebrate thy holy memory to experience thy favor and assistance.

   V. Pray for us, O Virgin of Good Success!
   R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

Trusting God

I was thinking today, if everyone trusted in God completely, think of what God would accomplish in them! Perhaps everyone would be saints. It would be a completely different world.

For Lent, I'm working on giving up worrying. Actually, seeing that that is such a huge and impossible thing to give up, I'm instead focusing on trust. Again, it's hard to do because it's my habit to worry.

Even though we have an answer to Luke's health issues, the recent PANDAS diagnosis has started the worry again. How long will it take to get healed from the strep infection? Will the damage be permanent? Is it reversible? I had read somewhere that PANDAS can start up again with every infection. So does that mean the tic will come back?

But then I catch myself and realize what I'm doing. What good does it do to worry? It only causes me stress. Yesterday I fell asleep on the couch (I never do that) and then ended up sleeping for two hours, even though I slept well the night before.

A meditation from the diaries of St.Faustina: 

On one occasion, the Lord said to me, Why are you fearful and why do you tremble when you are united to Me? I am displeased when a soul yields to vain terrors. Who will dare to touch you when you are with Me? Most dear to Me is the soul that strongly believes in My goodness and has complete trust in Me. I heap My confidence upon it and give it all it asks (Diary, 453).

On one occasion, I felt an urge to set to work and fulfill whatever God is demanding of me. I entered the chapel for a moment and heard a voice in my soul saying, Why are you afraid? Do you think that I will not have enough omnipotence to support you? At that moment, my soul felt extraordinary strength, and all the adversities that could befall me in carrying out God’s will seemed as nothing to me (Diary, 527).

My focus for Lent: Jesus, I trust in You. Jesus, I trust in You. Jesus, I trust in You.

And life goes on

This week has been great. Honestly, it is my Easter in my Lent. I was so bogged down by worry that I couldn't seem to feel anything else.

I have been learning a lot about trust in God and what it means. It means to "let go" of your worry and not treat it as your possession. I have heard about this but never been able to put it into practice. Perhaps I haven't had something to really worry about until this happened with Luke. It's easy to worry and stress over little things and not even realize it. It's easy to let that worry become such a normal part of your life that you don't recognize it stress and worry, but rather, just a way of coping.

And then something big happens that shakes up your world, something totally out of your control, and you realize that you not only feel anxious but literally sick with worry--so sick that you can't eat or sleep. And worse than that, no one can help you, because not even the professionals can solve the problem, they don't have the answers and the only One that does have the answer won't reveal it to you, simply because it's not time yet.

And so I learned to wait and trust and wait and trust. But also to persist and pursue God in prayer. To never give up on prayer and to wait for Him to answer you--because you finally realize that He will answer you, because He's God, and it's just a matter of time. His time. That is what I've learned about trust, and I'm still learning and practicing.

In other aspects of our life, we are working on getting back to normal. Luke is back to school full time and the teachers have been very helpful. I am back to learning about dogs and trying to focus on finishing what I started. That includes the kitchen cabinets, by the way. I am really happy with the way they're looking!

I am looking forward to spring. That warm spell spoiled me that it seems unnaturally cold right now, even though the cold air is seasonal for this time of year. Today it snowed a little bit and Max didn't even recognize it. He told me that "ash" was flying through the air. I guess I can't blame him, because the neighbors were burning branches, so maybe that's why he assumed he saw ash instead of snow. But then later, Henry told me there was "dust" flying in the air. My kids don't even recognize snow anymore!

Day 3 on Lent. It's going well, but then, I can't be complaining already, can I? :-)  I have given up Facebook once again and as my "add-on", I am trying to always keep the kitchen clean. Being off of Facebook more often does give me more time to clean, I will admit, but it's still hard to get done.

Very quickly on our new addition, Ace. It has been an up and down experience. Ace and Joey don't always get along, or so it seems. One dog is stronger than the other, and that seems to be Ace. Joey naturally is shy and timid, however, he is also insecure. The first week that Ace was here, Joey would growl and Ace if he got too close. We always corrected Joey on that, but Ace would just duck his head and back away. He seemed to understand that he was on Joey's territory and was trying to be respectful.

But lately, Ace has been correcting Joey. When Joey tried to growl at Ace again, Ace gave him a sharp bark, Joey yelped in fear and ran away. This has happened a few times where Ace corrects Joey. I have to admit, it shakes us all up, because it happens so suddenly and for seemingly no reason at all. Sometimes I have no idea what started it. I suppose from a dog trainers perspective, it's very interesting to watch but from a mom's perspective that wants no dog fights in the house, it's hard to see it that way.

One thing I do know is that you have to allow dogs to figure out where they stand with each other. I try not to interfere in their "discussions" and so far, it's all been peaceful. Suspenseful, but peaceful.

Hoping to show the progress on the kitchen cabinets in the next post.

Between a rock and a hard place

Part of my frustration is with the school. A couple of weeks ago, the school surprised me with a conference call accusing me of truancy. I didn't even know what this was until I got off the phone with them, haha.

Long story short, they hadn't been communicating with their own staff (their teachers) even though I had been, and they weren't aware at all of anything that was going on with Luke. His teachers told me to keep him out as long as I needed to and didn't advise me to let the Principal know or anything. So of course, this is what I did, thinking that as long as I kept them in the loop of things and kept him caught up with school work that all was ok. And then all of a sudden I get a surprise attack from the head honchos at the school, telling me that my story "wasn't adding up." So basically, accusing me of lying.

Things settled down a bit after I explained it all and they took back their truancy accusation. But now today, I hear that they have been calling my social worker and asking if she's "aware of the situation" and sent home a letter reminding me that Luke has met his quota of missed school days.

To make things even more complicated, Luke is having more and more trouble falling asleep, sometimes staying up all night or half the night because of this tick. How am I supposed to send him to school with no sleep?? I am daily caught between a rock and a hard place and this is why I am nearly always feeling on the verge of a mental breakdown.

I've requested an IEP with the school three times now, and three times they have skirted around the issue. I have no idea why these people, who want to be "kept in the loop of communication" don't want to work with me and help Luke so that he CAN attend school.

I would gladly take him out of school so that I can homeschool him for the rest of the year, thereby giving him the rest that he needs, when he needs it. But Dennis isn't really for that idea since we're already homeschooling Max.

So we are nearing midnight now and I can still hear Luke in his room, ticking away, which means he is still awake. I am groggy with missed sleep myself but I can't sleep, knowing that he's awake.

This is my life lately. This is why we need prayers. I have no idea where this will end. I just know it needs to end--and soon.