Sunday, April 23, 2017

A "walking on water" moment

22 Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23 After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, 24 and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
28 “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
29 “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” (Matthew 14:22-33)

Everyone has their "walking on water" moment, and I'm having mine. It's ok to sink a little as long as Jesus catches you. But we all come to a point in our lives where we must question ourselves, do I truly believe that God is God or don't I? 

I do believe, but I must admit there are times I cry out, "Lord, save me!" because suffering scares me. But then I realize the only time I ever really suffer is when I doubt Him.

After my doubt passes, I too, say, "Truly, you are the Son of God."

It is why we suffer, that we may believe.

Saturday, April 22, 2017


I'm so thankful for spring. Everything comes back to life in the spring.

The last few months have been difficult with everything coming to a head with Luke, the school, my own school and just everything--the big and little stuff. But it's coming to an end soon, and I'm so thankful.

Monday we should hear the results of Luke's MRI and I am 90% sure everything is fine. But that 10% scares me. Trying hard to ignore that part.

I had failed my test at school a couple of weeks ago. They gave me a second chance to do it again. Thankful for that. I still don't know how I did.

I'm thankful that soon, my Wednesdays will be free. They are so incredibly busy. I know some moms thrive off of being busy, and I would consider myself to be one of those moms. But week after week like this, is too hard. I'm glad that soon the Catechesis of the Good Shepherd will be done, Max's Edge Group will be done.  Lucy's ice skating lessons will be done, and Childrens Adoration will be done. I enjoy all those things but fit into one day, it's hard.

I'm excited to get started on some new projects on the house this summer. We are finally going to get some railings for the front steps. It will help the house look a little more 3 dimensional, haha. It is so flat-faced.

I'm looking forward to all the kids being home this summer. It's been a really hard school year. I'm excited for them getting some of their confidence back. School has had so many tests throughout the year, and it's been stressful for them.

Anyway, I'm really glad spring is here.

Friday, April 21, 2017

The Latest Update

The latest update with Luke is that we went to see the neurologist today. Well, actually, Dennis brought him, while I finally got my crown put on my tooth (I've been putting this off for weeks.)

Long story short. The neurologist was concerned enough to give Luke an MRI right there during the appointment. I'm not sure if this is consoling or scary. Anyway, it's done, and we should know by Monday if there's anything serious going on with Luke.

I'm disappointed I couldn't be there for Luke. He got his blood drawn too, to look for antibodies in his blood, and he is scared to death of needles. I wanted to be there for those sort of things. But I wouldn't have been able to go in with him for his MRI anyway, because of my stents in my heart. It's good to know that God already saw that Luke would need some help, and arranged for Dennis to be there.

All I know is that this has been one heck of a few months. It certainly makes you not take "normal" for granted.

Anyway, I don't want to worry anyone unnecessarily, but prayers would be appreciated. Especially over the weekend. Dennis will be gone on a work trip and it will be just me and my worries all weekend.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

The Big Great Dane Puppy

I didn't think we were going to work with the Great Dane puppy since it sounded like the owners were undecided, so you can imagine my surprise when I got home from Luke's therapy appointment to find a strange dog in our house!

I asked Dennis why he didn't text me to let me know. "I thought you'd like to be surprised," he said.

Well, I was.

I wish I could say it all went smoothly, but it didn't. Joey and Ace didn't like this new dog on their turf. I had already known that Joey would react hysterically, being the nervous dog that he is, but I was surprised with Ace. He bit the puppy. Yep, bit him! Within the first 15 minutes!

Willy (the puppy) was super excited to see Ace. (We still had Joey in the other room.) Ace was fine with him at first, but then Willy made the mistake of putting his paw on top of Ace. That is very rude in dog-manners. I pulled Willy away, but Ace followed. Then Willy put his paw on top of Ace again. This time, Ace lunged at him and got him in the face.

It was just a little nip but it drew blood. I thought to myself, "well, there goes my dog training career!" Not what you want as a first time experience.

We called the owners and they didn't seem very concerned. And no, I didn't have a chance for them to sign a liability contract because I didn't know we were even getting the puppy in the first place! But you can bet if they bring the dog again, they will be signing one.

For the rest of the day, things went a little better but I won't lie, it was hard! A puppy is hard enough, but a puppy that is bigger than your full grown Lab is even harder!

This puppy is sitting down and he's almost as big as Anna!
We kept Ace and Joey separated from Willy for the rest of the day. Ace and Joey made a big fuss about it, whining and barking the whole time.

I gave them a break by putting Willy in Ace's crate for a while so that Ace and Joey could relax a little. (Me too.) Other than that, I just took Willy for a lot of walks or had him in the backyard with me.

Willy, trying to sniff Ace and Joey, who are on the other side of the door.
By the end of the day, we felt more comfortable with having Willy around. He was a good listener, for a puppy. He had good bite threshold too (how hard he bites). I kept him with me all the time, but he was really good with the kids.

I worked with him for a little bit with training, but his owners have done well with teaching him all the basics.

I have no idea if he will be back or not. I asked his owner (the girlfriend) if he did come back, to bring some toys or bones for him. I had forgotten how much puppies need to chew, and he had gotten pretty nippy.

Other than that, my first dog sitting experience went ok. Not great, but hopefully next time (if there is a next time), it will go better.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Little improvements: the outdoor lamp

It is Holy Thursday today and normally I try not to blog during these last few holy days, but I wanted to squeeze in this quick home update. It's been a really long time since I've done a post on remodeling!

This is a small thing, and maybe it's a little strange to even blog about it, but I'm so excited about our newest remodel--our outdoor lamp!

When we moved in, the last outdoor lamp was looking pitiful by hanging by its wires. Dennis eventually removed it. With all the bigger issues that had to be taken care of right away, we didn't replace the outdoor lamp for a long time. And then finally last summer, we got a new outdoor lamp.

The thing didn't even last more than a week. We had a windy day one day, and the front door blew right into the lamp and broke it--which gave us insight as to how the first lamp got broken.

We said we would replace it, but you know how that goes. Some of the outdoor lamps (depending how fancy you want to get) can be around $80. So we decided to wait. That was over a year ago!

It's always been an embarrassment to me that our house looks so shabby and run-down with no outdoor lamp. So I was really excited to finally get our lamp up!

Single light bulb, no lamp.

The hanging of the new lamp!

We've got light!

It's such a small thing, but our house no longer looks (as) shabby.

Now I can focus on Holy Week.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Is is something wrong with Luke's phalange?

So after my scary IEP meeting where all the teachers dumped their worries on me about Luke regressing and claiming he should have an MRI or CAT scan, I asked them to write up their notes so I could show the doctor. We went to the appointment and she read through them and then talked to the neurologist. Long story short, he feels everything is fine. He feels this is all due to stress.

You would think I would feel instant relief and even maybe smug ("I was right!") since this is what I thought as well. But I didn't. Instead, I felt like: "What??? He's seen Luke only once! And he's making this 'educated guess' over the phone without even doing an evaluation?? Doesn't he want to see him??? Doesn't he want to do an exam first??? How can he be so sure that's it's only stress, when four other people are saying with their numbers that there is something wrong?!"

Even though I had my opinions on the matter, I also had it in the back of my head that I could be wrong. And that little tiny doubt was satisfied with knowing that a test would tell us for sure that something was wrong or not.

And now I don't even have that small comfort.

So right now, I just feel frustrated. I am back to the beginning, battling anxiety that other's dumped on my lap in an IEP meeting. I feel angry at these teachers that didn't even bring this to my attention right away and instead waited two months for a meeting. I feel angry at the arrogant neurologist who made his assessment over the phone without even reading any of these notes. I feel just pure frustration with everyone.

My emotions have been on a rollercoaster ride for the past two months, and every time I think the ride is ending and I want to get off, it starts all over again. The total lack of sensitivity is just ridiculous!

How am I feeling? Worried. Scared. Nervous. Unsure. All because of other's suspicions and another's refusal to look into it. Much like this little clip on Friends.

The power of suggestion! It is very strong, isn't it? (Notice Racheal got off the plane as well!)

I have found my peace by mentally "firing" our neurologist and placing God in his place. I've asked God to watch over Luke, alert me if something is wrong, but let me enjoy the peace that (supposedly) everything is ok.

I just don't want to not have to worry anymore, you know? I just want to get on with life. I don't want to deal with any more "left phalanges" and get off the plane for no reason.

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

A or B?

I never take pictures of myself. I don't usually take good pictures. But this makes you take a headshot of yourself, preferably with your dog, so I had no choice. And so, I hired Max as my photographer and we took many pictures.

At first, I had the idea of having both dogs give me a lick on the face at the same time as a "fun" picture. So I put butter on my cheeks--and neither dog would lick me! Thank you, Joey and Ace, I will most likely break out now.

This is a forced lick from Joey. Like a "ok, ok, I'll lick you" lick. Obviously I couldn't use this one.

This is me trying to keep the dogs from trying to lick EACH OTHER. They wouldn't lick butter off my face, but they would lick each other.

More licks. C'mon, you guys, break it up!

This is me saying, "Kiss, Joey! Kiss!" Luckily, he knows how to lick on command. But as you can see, he doesn't look happy about it. So this was garbage too.

Now here I am, begging him to be affectionate with me. Look how annoyed Joey looks. Look how lazy Ace looks.

Now this is me, trying to do a laydown shot with the dogs. Here, Ace already wandered off, and Joey, thinking that I want to play, is kicking me in the face. I look like I'm enjoying it, but I'm not.

At this point, I ask Max if he would like his picture taken with Ace. Look how easy he makes it look! (Joey has been fired.)

At this point, I'm inspired to try it Max's way. Just simply sit with the dog and smile.

We got a few good shots, though Joey photo bombed it in the backround...

This is me saying through gritted teeth, "Stop focusing on Joey!" to Max because he kept giggling at what Joey was doing. (Notice him rolling around in the dirt!)

I got a few useable shots.

I even got a kiss! Without butter! (Turns out baby talk works for this stuff!)

And then Joey started his nonsense again with sniffing Ace everywhere, so the photo session was over.

The winners: A and B. Which do you think?

Picture A:

Picture B: