Tuesday, March 14, 2017

I Surrender

Last week, we were late for Mass and had to sit in the back. For whatever reason, Luke's tic was louder that day and he kept yawning, which made it even louder. (He tics through his yawns, which makes them louder, like a hollow drum.) We began to get looks. I put up with it for as long as I could, and then me and Luke went to the Narthex while the other kids (except for Henry) stayed in the pew. I can live with Luke's tic but these little episodes of intolerance make it hard for all of us.

I am at the place now where I can honestly say to God, I give up. Not in a despairing sort of way. But if You wanted to, you would have healed him by now, and You haven't. There must be a greater good for all of this.

So I surrender it all. I know it won't be the first time I will need to surrender. It should be daily habit but it's not. I'm learning though.

I surrender, I give up, I give it all to You. I surrender all the moments of sadness and confusion. I even surrender doctor appointments to You. I surrender bad days to You. I won't fight anymore. I will continue to pray, but I won't worry. I'll continue to ask, but I'll be ok with waiting too.

Perhaps I will get so good at this that I can even surrender each of Luke's tics to God. They can be like little gold pieces falling into the Cup saying, "I surrender, I surrender, I surrender..."

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