Today is the last day of school. We plan to do our traditional celebration of going out of pizza later. But our van is in the shop again and with a heftier bill than we thought we would have, which makes me wonder how we can even think of pizza.
The brakes went out--or at least were on their way of going out. I should be thankful that we got it in before a major accident, but all I can think of is that we have to come up with $500 today.
I have the money in my savings....of course, I will give it up. It is so hard though.
I keep telling myself that if it were a stranger or a friend in dire need for money with a sad story to tell, I would give it up in an instant. The sacrifice would be sweet. But why, when it comes to family, is it so much harder?
Well, I can't speak for anyone else, but for myself I know the truth. I know that a stranger would not take something like that for granted. They would be beside themselves with joy, thank you over and over, perhaps even Facebook it, and you would feel truly appreciated.
But family doesn't always treat you that way. They expect you to give it. Afterall, you are family and you need to take care of family. And so, the sacrifice is bitter.
I've been praying for courage to do what is right. I know it is ridiculous and yes, even selfish; only God truly understands why it is so hard for me to see my savings dwindle down. But I thought to myself yesterday, this is why God has given me all these rosary sales--it is to help support the family. And when I don't help where I can, I see the burden on Dennis's shoulders get heavier. He shouldn't have to carry it alone, I know.
So yesterday I had the inspiration to stop calling money "money", but to call it "blessings" instead. Wow, it's amazing how changing the word to something else can also change your perspective.
Because "blessing" is something that is always given to someone else. God never keeps blessings for himself. He always gives it away.
So last night, I thought to myself, I will give five hundred of our blessings to Dennis to help out with the car. Because blessings are sitting in my bank account, waiting to be used for the right moment.
And when I think of having only twenty blessings left, it seems like quite a lot. When it might even be only one blessing...it is still a blessing.
I know there will never be a day when I have zero blessings...because that's never happened before and never will happen, because God has always taken care of us.
Whether the blessing is through overtime at work or another rosary sell, or a gift from someone else. He has always seen us through.
But blessings are meant for the whole family. Not as a security blanket in your bank account.