Wednesday, September 21, 2016

We are going anyway

This past week has been a tough week. My husband sold his boat and our church canceled Family Adoration.

The boat thing--it is not mine but I am sad--so sad--to see it go. Those were family memories in that boat; fishing trips, Father's Days. It was Dennis way of getting out of the house, his source of "clean fun", a chance to get together with friends, taking family out on boat rides. I cried buckets of tears the day he sold his boat but I never let him see. I don't know why.

The same week, our church canceled Family Adoration.

This was the only program our church had for families. Of course, there are other programs--good programs too--but they aren't for families. It was the right decision because no one was going. No one but one family, and that was us.

When we first started going, there were a few families going faithfully. Then it dwindled down to two or three. Then just two, and finally one--ours. We went for a year, being the only ones to show up, and let me tell you, there is nothing more lonely than showing up to pray with others and no one is there. Ever.

Our priest knew it was important to me and the kids, and so we held out for a year. But it became pointless. Why bother the priest to come to the church for just one family?

A vote was taking among those who would come sporadically throughout the year and everyone voted to cancel family adoration. This too, I cried for a few days, but I didn't let anyone see. Have you ever hurt so bad that you don't want people to know? It's a strange thing. I think I was just worried that if someone misunderstood my fragile feelings and said the wrong thing that I just wouldn't be able to take it.

I won't lie, I am disappointed. I know there will be other programs, other boats, new chapters in our life. But it is hard waiting in the in-between times.

And then I found on Facebook this meme being passed around:

I wanted to pass this onto my priest and say, "See? We do need family adoration!" But that would be silly, because he kept it going as long as he could and it's not his fault that it died out.

It died out because people didn't want to come.

So we are going anyway. We discovered something good in family adoration; we discovered Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. My kids have made a connection between the Jesus that sits in the Monstrance and the Jesus that is risen high in the air for all to see at Mass. They have discovered a personal relationship through vocal prayer. Mental prayer in silence. Song out loud or in your hearts.

My church has adoration once a week and I won't let that die out too. We will at least go to that. We will go as a family and though we won't be able to talk out loud, we will pray together as we did before.

I have some consolation in knowing that Jesus never quits even if we do.

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