Thursday, April 6, 2017

Doing ok

I am both surprised and pleased with the concern from others with Luke's recent update. I feel like I need to also clarify a few things, so everything stays within perspective.

It was difficult hearing these things at the IEP. I literally felt numb and couldn't even comprehend anything the teachers were saying or asking from that moment on. I remember even looking out the window, watching the kids play while they were talking and had to ask them to repeat their question. I'm sure it looked bad--I'm not sure they realized how affected I was by what they said. I guess it was a way of escaping just for a moment, to let what they said sink in. Regression in so many areas. Not just one but in almost all areas of school. It was a lot to take in.

I went home upset, of course, gave Luke a big hug, fussed over him, and then realized he was fine. At least outwardly, he seems to be fine. Even his tic is gradually fading out here and there. It isn't as constant as it has been and that's great news.

We're taking this seriously and have an appointment set up with his pediatrician. I'm sure to ease our worries, she will order some sort of scan. His DAPE teacher (Developmental Adapted Physical Education) wrote out a detailed letter for me to bring to his doctors.

But worry-wise, I'm not too worried. I'm not sure why. In my gut, I just feel like he's ok. I'm not worried about tumors or seizures. I think the scans will show that everything is ok.

Is this denial or trust in God? I'm not sure. But I'm not worried.

Well, that's not true. The first night I was waking up worried about Luke, just like I did with his tic. And I thought to myself, "I can't do this again. I can't go through this obsessive worrying again." So I turned it all over to God. Since that moment, I honestly am not worried. Concerned enough to get it checked out, but that's all.

I wanted to clarify where I'm at because I wasn't expecting a big response like we've had, or any at all. I get very little page views with this blog and no comments. I use this blog as a journal, more than anything else. So I was surprised at the concern, though grateful. It's nice to know we have the prayers.

So I say, let's wait for worry until we visit the doctor and get some test results. I'm thinking that something is going on neurologically with Luke but nothing hugely medical like tumors or seizures. I think perhaps his previous disorders of ADHD and PDD may have gotten worse or may be exaggerated due to some underlying cause, like allergies or something. Or perhaps something new developed. Or maybe, this is what stress and overload looks like for Luke. Maybe he shuts down completely to the point where he can't remember, can't comprehend any information. (Much like his mother who zoned out in the middle of an IEP meeting to watch children play!)

If anything new develops, we'll definitely let family and friends know. Thanks as always for the prayers, and please keep them coming!

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