Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Is is something wrong with Luke's phalange?

So after my scary IEP meeting where all the teachers dumped their worries on me about Luke regressing and claiming he should have an MRI or CAT scan, I asked them to write up their notes so I could show the doctor. We went to the appointment and she read through them and then talked to the neurologist. Long story short, he feels everything is fine. He feels this is all due to stress.

You would think I would feel instant relief and even maybe smug ("I was right!") since this is what I thought as well. But I didn't. Instead, I felt like: "What??? He's seen Luke only once! And he's making this 'educated guess' over the phone without even doing an evaluation?? Doesn't he want to see him??? Doesn't he want to do an exam first??? How can he be so sure that's it's only stress, when four other people are saying with their numbers that there is something wrong?!"

Even though I had my opinions on the matter, I also had it in the back of my head that I could be wrong. And that little tiny doubt was satisfied with knowing that a test would tell us for sure that something was wrong or not.

And now I don't even have that small comfort.

So right now, I just feel frustrated. I am back to the beginning, battling anxiety that other's dumped on my lap in an IEP meeting. I feel angry at these teachers that didn't even bring this to my attention right away and instead waited two months for a meeting. I feel angry at the arrogant neurologist who made his assessment over the phone without even reading any of these notes. I feel just pure frustration with everyone.

My emotions have been on a rollercoaster ride for the past two months, and every time I think the ride is ending and I want to get off, it starts all over again. The total lack of sensitivity is just ridiculous!

How am I feeling? Worried. Scared. Nervous. Unsure. All because of other's suspicions and another's refusal to look into it. Much like this little clip on Friends.

The power of suggestion! It is very strong, isn't it? (Notice Racheal got off the plane as well!)

I have found my peace by mentally "firing" our neurologist and placing God in his place. I've asked God to watch over Luke, alert me if something is wrong, but let me enjoy the peace that (supposedly) everything is ok.

I just don't want to not have to worry anymore, you know? I just want to get on with life. I don't want to deal with any more "left phalanges" and get off the plane for no reason.

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