Loving the family

Today at adoration,  a list formed in my mind. How do I prioritize my life? What order do I place my roles to others? Immediately, my list went like this"

1. Christian
2. Wife
3. Mom
4. Dog Trainer

But then, with more pondering, it went more like this:

1. Dog Trainer
2. Mom
3. Wife
4. Christian

Not that I try to live my life in that order but it is what is important to me right now. Dog training is still an exciting new adventure and it's hard not to get caught up in it. My kids happiness is important to me so it comes second in my priorities. My marriage comes third because I take it for granted and don't take care of it like I should. And my Christian duties, my attitude, my prayer life, is in fourth place.


Thank goodness for my adoration hours. That, and the Mass are all that keep me grounded lately. When I come back to Jesus each week, it is so hard to get my thoughts under control. They swirl around with to-do lists and reminders and dogs to train, kids to take care of, what we should have for dinner, ect. It is so hard to focus on the little white Host sitting right in front of me.

But by the end of the hour, all I can think of is Him. With the help of the Holy Spirit, of course, who helps me get my thoughts under control. And then I wonder, how could I think of anything but Him? How can I leave this church, where I can escape the chaos of my life for one hour? Do I really need to go back? Can I just hide here forever?

And everything that I previously was occupied about suddenly seems so bland. Not to say my life as wife and mother are not fulfilling, but let's face it, those two roles are hard to play sometimes. It is hard to go back and love.

Which lead me to my second thought. Loving my family. I would die without them. I would never want to lose any of them. And yet, I love them with a selfish kind of love. I love them most when I'm in a good mood, when I feel loving, when I feel I can put up with them. But the times when I can't deal with them, it is hard to love them. It is when I want to escape.

I felt like God was sending me away with an assignment. Not that He spoke to me in words, but this is what I felt He was saying to me: "I only want you to do one thing--love your family, and love them well."

I do not have to run to Puerto Rico and give them clean water and fresh supplies, though that would be easier and rewarding.

I do not have to go to Las Vegas to pray with the families that have lost loved ones.

I do not need to go to Africa to give them fresh water.

All I have to do is love my family, those closest to me. And yet, it is the hardest thing in the world. And yet, this is all He asks of me to do.

Why don't we do this? The ones who are closest to us are often the ones most unloved.

My mission in this life is to love my family the best I can. I don't know when I will die, but when I do, I hope they will know they were loved. I hope they will always know it in their hearts. I hope they will come to recognize God's love for them through me.

It is such a simple mission, to just love your family. And yet, the hardest thing to do. A way to heaven, and how often we escape it and look for another way--away from our family.