I think about him a lot. On bad days, especially. When I struggle with temptations stemmed from weariness of body and soul which affects my patience, which also affects those around me. I am tired of trying to be patient. It's exhausting.
When I feel "not worthy"; whatever that means. Not special, not intentional, not noticed. All those things that we tend to crave as human beings, wanting to leave a mark in this world and yet, realizing we are so insignificant. Do others see how hard we are working? Do others notice the progress we've made? I struggle with these temptations as well, knowing that they don't and more than that, my temptation of wanting to be noticed stems from pride. Did St.Joseph struggle with these temptations too, as he lived with the two most perfect people in the world? What was it like for him? These are usually my thoughts of St.Joseph.
I think of him especially now, when Advent is right around the corner. In a world that no longer wants to "wait" for Christmas, St.Jospeh was forced to do so. To act without having much of a plan, except to somehow get Mary to a place to have her baby. And then in the end, not even being able to give her that. I think about this when my own plans don't work out. I had a good plan, it seemed reasonable, but for some reason, God didn't want it. Then He comes up with something "better" that doesn't seem better at all, and I'm left in confusion. I think about St.Jospeh in things like that. Did he feel frustration like I do?
Humility, constant humility is the only conclusion I come to when I think of St.Jospeh. Always being wrong or outdone in holiness. It must have been bitter-sweet, living with Jesus and Mary. A joy, but maybe a suffering too. Always knowing that he would be the one that was the sinner.
And yet, this man, who is barely mentioned at all in the Bible, is the strongest saint in heaven. He is the saint that literally befriends us on earth. This is how my love for St.Joseph started. It didn't start with a fascination for him, since he didn't seem to have much of a story, and I prefer to read about saints with some "meat" on them. I didn't give much thought to him at all. But during tough times, my mom would often say "pray to St.Jospeh."
My devotion came about slowly. I would pray to him for help in certain situations and be very surprised by how quickly he acted. Like having my own personal helper in heaven. I had never had a saint reach out to me the St.Joseph did.
At first I prayed to him in trivial matters: a lawn mower that wouldn't start. The car door that wouldn't close. A lost item I couldn't find. Even a time when my debit card wouldn't go through because there was a glitch in the system. He answered immediately to every request.
Soon my petitions went a little deeper. Putting a baby to sleep who refused to go to sleep. Asking for help in a parenting need. Asking for help in a lonely time. Asking for help in a time when I wanted to give up.
I began to wonder, why did he want to be my friend? This is what it seemed to me; that St.Jospeh wanted to be my friend. It seemed a little presumptuous to think that way and I didn't mention this to anyone until now. But this is exactly how it felt--St.Jospeh wanted to be friends with a simple housewife, stay at home mom and dog trainer that couldn't find work .
He wants to be friends with the "common man" because he was and is "the common man." St.Jospeh understands what it's like to be us. He is one of us. He had to live the most agonizing life of all---to never be "good enough". To want to please and possibly even impress Jesus and Mary and always falling short.
He was described as a good and humble man, but if St.Jospeh had to live as we all do, then his holiness didn't come easily. I believe that he relented more than he fought but he must have had his battles, his inner temptations. He too, had to "fight the good fight."
And so, that is how I became friends with St.Jospeh and my friendship with him grows every day. I don't always pray to him but I do seek his help often. He is probably the one saint that I feel completely understands me, feels my pain, understands my discouragement, and prods me out of self-pity--not matter how justified I may feel. I can be "naked" in front him, not giving him pretty and holy words, but lay everything out without feeling shame of my lack of faith. He understands. But he does push me to go on.
He is my friend from heaven and he can be yours too. Pray to him with mechanical problems, financial issues, parenting problems, and spiritual dryness. You may just be surprised as I was, how quickly and swiftly he comes down from heaven to help the common man.
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