I hated Lent as a kid. Lent for me, meant FISH (of which I hate and still hate), starving (fasting) and being forced to give up something that I loved. It's easy to see why a lot of kids really don't like Lent. But as an adult, I love it! It forces us to stop and take note of where we are on the spiritual map.
Now Lent means to me: giving up meat and *sometimes* eating tuna, otherwise pasta works as well (one of the perks of being an adult, you can decide for yourself), giving up something that I know is blocking me from advancing in my spiritual life, and more prayer. That is the big one for me. Making time for more prayer.
What we are adding on for more prayer: We have been reading from the little book that our church gives us (can't remember the name of it) that has both meditations and scripture in it. It's been good for our family. The kids are learning a lot of good scripture and what Lent means.
What I am giving up this Lent: well, my pride, I guess. I am receiving Jesus on my tongue for Holy Communion. I know this may not seem like much to some, but for years, I have struggled with this fear of humiliation--the humiliation that I will open my mouth and the EM will see all my spit, or what if the Host falls off my tongue, or what if I accidentally LICK their finger (gross!) I know all of those reason are silly (well, except for the Host falling off my tongue, that would be horrible) but I can't reason myself out of it.
But receiving in my hand...even though it's permitted from the Church, I've always felt doubtful about this. Holding the Lord of lords in my hands....these hands that aren't worthy to be so casual with such an honor. The words of St.John the Baptist have kept ringing in my head for the past few years: "I am not worth to untie his sandal" (John 1:27) I wonder what he would have to say about me holding Him in my hands?
So last week, I received Jesus on my tongue for the first time in years....I'm not sure how long it's been but it's been a long, long time. My heart was pounding and I literally broke out in a sweat. All those silly fears kept going through my head and I prayed a lot to Mary and Jesus to "force" to do this--and I did! And yes, I accidentally licked Fr.Gregory's hand, but I think this is why he uses santizer so much.
Afterwards, I was nearly crying for the joy of doing something that felt RIGHT after so many years of receiving Jesus in a manner that felt wrong. It was the best I could do for Him, a small act of humility and lowering myself in a way that made me small, and Him TALL.
And yes, I felt very small, doing this, very small. But if felt good to be humbled in such a way because that's the way it ought to be.
And so, I will be doing this again--this weekly act of penance, kissing the floor, so to speak. It may not seem much to others, but God knows how much it costs me--though it shouldn't. An area of pride that needs some cleaning out.
What we are giving up as a family--Screen time in the morning. This includes T.V. Usually the kids will watch something while they are waiting for me to wake up, and the three olds kids will go on their Chromebooks or Snap Chat. It's a bad way to start the morning--screen time being the first thing. And I tell you, it's hard to give up. But we are trying--struggling--but trying. I encourage the kids to replace that time with something spiritual instead. Not sure if they are, but at least they have been staying off the screens.
That is how our Lent is going--four or five days in! (I haven't been counting). Not a fun time but it's not supposed to be. I think if we are having fun or finding it easy, maybe we need to assess what we should be giving up (?!!)
A wonderful scriptural quote that I LOVE, thanks to our little booklet that we read from--I will end with this:
"For You are not pleased with sacrifices; should I offer a burnt offering, You would not accept it. My sacrifice, O God, is a contrite spirit; a heart contrite and humbled, O God, You will not spurn." Psalm 51
No comments:
Post a Comment