Stress management

Sven the dog came over in the afternoon. When I saw him, I wondered what I was so afraid of. This dog is nothing but a little bit of fluff with some normal puppy problems. I was so relieved. And even more, Watson and Sven get along really well, which makes things so much easier.

Maybe it was because I felt I could finally relax that I got a panic attack in Target, of all places. I haven't had one of those in a long time. I was in the DVD section when an overwhelming sense of panic came over me, followed by dizziness and heart pounding. It was all I could do to keep calm as I called Dennis and he helped me through it. Thank goodness it was near closing time, and the store was nearly empty.

I have to admit, I'm not sure I can do this---training dogs in the home. It's very difficult to do with family in the house. You feel you have to always be on the alert: where is the dog, is the door closed, where are Joey and Ace (as we always have to keep them separated), is the door closed, where are the kids, is the door closed, repeat. Yes, keeping the door closed is a huge thing. It keeps the dogs separated and out of fights, and it keeps dogs from running away or getting hit by cars. And yet everyone forgets to close the door, nobody can seem to either just stay inside or outside, or upstairs or downstairs. The door is always left open and I'm always guarding it.

And then there are the kids. It is hard for them to have dogs that are rough come into the home and disrupt the peace. These dogs can be rough and hurt them with constant jumping and nipping. It's hard for me as a mom to subject my kids to this and I suffer from a lot of "mom-guilt", wondering if I'm doing the right thing in bringing strange and even possibly unsafe dogs into the home.

I think that's why Max's dog bite was such a big thing to me. Dog bites are supposed to happen to me, the trainer, not my kids. I expect to be bitten one day, but not my kids. This is there home, and they should feel safe here.

So I continue to discern what God wants for me. Training in the home here means that I can at least be home and continue to be there for my kids, and carry on my normal duties--for the most part--so that it doesn't land on Dennis. But it also means disrupting the peace. It means that my kids have to suffer a little bit, until the dog gets better trained.

For now, things seem to be a little better with Watson and Sven. Like I said, they get along and this makes it a lot easier. They wear each other out, which means they have little energy to be rambunctious with me. But having panic attacks, constant palpitations, and exhaustion is tough and I'm hoping it's a temporary thing until I adjust to this new stress in my life. It's a difficult thing to think of giving up without giving this a fair try.