Technically Jesus

My body has been going through some changes lately; hormonal changes. Though I'm not in menopause yet, I'm in peri-menopause, which in my opinion, is worse than menopause, because you suffer all the side effects of menopause but you still have to deal with your period. (Sorry, male readers.) Peri-menopause and "life" just doesn't go together.

The joys of per-menopause screw with your sanity and emotions, making you feel like some days you are literally going crazy. And I do mean literally. Sometimes I  feel angry but I have no idea why. I'm just angry.. I'm angry at the world. Those days I try to hide.

And sometimes I'm sad but again, I have no idea why. I'm just sad. I'm weepy. I'm angry and sad. Those days I try to hide too. Those that seek me out are warned they don't want to deal with me, but they whine at my door anyway (obviously talking about my kids here.)

Today was one of those days. Angry. Sad. Angry. Sad. The weather did not help. It rained all day. At first, I liked it, it was kind of peaceful. But then it began to feel a little crowded in here with all the kids home on their first day of summer vacation (ok, it's Saturday so they would've been home anyway, but for kids, the first day of summer vacation doesn't matter what day it's on!) And then Otis the dog came to be boarded for the week, along with Baby Ruth (also a dog, not an actual baby) and things really began to feel crowded. I had to do the whole switching dogs out thing and walking in the rain again.

I decided to run to the store and pick up and umbrella so I wouldn't have to get soaked every time I took the dogs for a walk. I picked up a few other things and then went home, only to realize the lady never put the umbrella into the bag. So I had to go back to the store and get the umbrella and then just as I opened the umbrealla to take the dogs for their walk, the rain subsided and the sun began to shine. For real!!

And then my phone began to malfunction. Oh, my hopeless phone, which has been dropped at least five times and has cracks all over the screen, to the point that I can now see wires. I forget sometimes that I no longer bring it out when it's raining, and it began to malfunction all day. It looked like it was possessed by a phone addicted demon; different apps would open and close. Some apps I didn't even know I had would suddenly pop on and then pop off. Every time I tried to use the phone for email or messaging or calling, it would fly apps all over the place or else turn on the key board and start typing all sorts of crazy things (thankfully it never hit "send"). Dennis and I talked about getting me a new phone but now it was imperative. So he told me that I should start shopping for phones and let him know which one I would like. After looking through many phones and finding one that didn't seem too expensive and still had great reviews, I copied and pasted it to my email....and just as I was about to send it to Dennis, the phone suddenly hit "delete"!!

This was the last straw. I threw the phone as hard as I could and it shattered. I am now officially phoneless. Yes, I regret it but at the same time, I don't. It had to be finished off.

At the same time, I knew I had to get myself under control somehow. I was snapping at the kids, grumpy with the dogs, and kenneled them more than usual to try to get some breaks, but nothing seemed to be helping my mood. I was just frustrated because nothing seemed to be going right.

And then, I have no idea why or what prompted me to do this, but I suddenly remembered that some chapels put adoration online and live for people across the world. I logged on and instantly, there was Jesus--in "real time" with the candles flickering, showing me that I was indeed looking at Him in real time, not just a still picture.

At first I felt a little awkward about it but then figured, that people skype all the time, so why not with Jesus? I sat at the table talking to Jesus through the computer and it was as though I were talking with Him the way I do when I see Him in adoration at my own church. And almost instantaneously, the anger and frustration melted away. I felt peace in my heart for the first time all day.

I kept the screen up for a while so that I could "tune in" whenever I was beginning to feel testy again. When I had to close the laptop for a while, I would just open it to see if Jesus was still there in the Blessed Sacrament, and yep, there He was.

I truly hate technology with malfunctioning phones and everything, but I'm glad that we've learned to use it to our advantage too, for the times when we feel we're going a little bit crazy. I bet whoever thought up this idea of putting adoration up "live" for anyone to see would be happy to hear that a hormonal and frustrated mother found solace in finding Jesus in technology.