Noonday Devil

School starts August 29th or 28th (I can't remember) and so it feels like it's right around the corner. I'm back to worrying and stressing about it, though not quite as bad as last year or the year before. Somewhere along the way, I accepted that my kids are going to suffer at times, and though it's painful to watch, I have the consolation knowing that the suffering is for their own good. At least, this is what the spiritual side of me says. The neurotic side of me just obsesses and worries that they are suffering.

Lately, I'm dealing with the Noonday Devil, or acedia. I am tired nearly all the time, taking sometimes two naps a day, which is unusual for me. It's been so bad that I've made an appointment to check my iron levels.

Along with the acedia, I am also unmotivated. Those dishes. That laundry. Those kids. Those weeds. Nothing is appealing, everything looks like so much work. And when I force myself to do the tasks that have to be done, it is with dragging feet which usually lead me back to bed. I find myself on Facebook too often, so  much that I'm bored by it, and yet I keep going on.

This Noonday Devil has even bored me of my TV time, which I usually watch one show during the day. I am so tired of screens. The screen on the TV, phones, Kindles, laptops. And yet, I feel myself drawn to them.

The one good thing of all this boredom is that it got me looking for relief in doing something different.  And that something different, was instead of watching a show or going on Facebook, to have some prayer time and read a spiritual book (a real book with real pages--not screens!) I had no sooner read about three pages when I fell asleep. But when I woke up, I didn't feel guilty or like I had wasted time. I felt refreshed, both in body and soul. I needed a rest for whatever reason, and reading had relaxed me enough to let me sleep. And when I fell asleep, it was thinking of spiritual matters, not trivial things.

My prayer time each day is short--only five minutes, as it is so hard for me to get into. Most of the time, I am doing spiritual reading. But I feel a lot of peace and even a nod of approval from God that I'm on the right track. I don't know how much longer I will struggle with this acedia, if it is self-punishment or something from the devil, but I know to fight it with prayer. (And rest!) And then, get back to work.