Frustrating things

Just recently, I watched a documentary about different orders of nuns, how they spend their day and so on. It was a very good documentary, and if I can find the it, I'll link it here. 

But one of the things that struck me was that no matter what kind of order it was, there was always a time of recreation for the Sisters. For the Sisters who were very active, there were sports. For the ones who were a little more quiet, they had other things like board games or just sitting around and talking. And there was always a view for them to contemplate.

It hit me tonight as I finished a really hectic day that I never got a break today. I know that this is the case for many moms and it's almost as though we are proud of it when we say "I never get a break!" Like it earns us a badge or something.

Well I can't speak for other moms but for myself, I need a break. If I don't get one, I get overworked, overwhelmed and super crabby. And I don't benefit my family at all when I'm like this.

Today I took on five dogs for a play date (long story) and it went well. However, it lasted all day. Then in between all this, I had appointments to go to. One being Max's diabetes appointment which is a 40 minute drive there and back.

Then there was fog and rain all day. I know, it's not even worth bringing up, but it's been a lot of weather lately.

Then I came home to the dogs again. Waited for owners to come get their dogs. One forgot so I had to bring the dog to them.

One of the dogs that has been here forever due to a family emergency has regressed big time in his house breaking. Four accidents in an hour. And on top of that, major kennel anxiety. About 200 barks per minute and I'm not joking or exaggerrating. He sounds like one of those yapping dog toys. I don't think I need to mention that it really wears on the ears and nerves.

And then date night. Our one night a week that we try to reserve for each other. It's difficult and stressful. Sometimes it doesn't feel like it's worth it. But we are trying.

But then I remembered, I never got a break today. I didn't really have much time for a break and some days are like that, but if the Sisters can do it, why can't we? They make time for their break and guard it. They regard that mental break as precious as they do their prayer time. So why don't we? Why don't I?

Why do I feel I have to do it all? Where does this come from? Why do I feel guilty for taking a rest?

It seems to come from pride, thinking we have enough strength to do it all and to think that it has to be *us* that does it all and not on others.

I sometimes get upset that Dennis does the dishes and cleans up. It makes me feel like I'm not doing a good enough job.

But the truth is, I can't do it all and I do need help. I don't know why I feel like it all has to be on me. And I can't even do it right anyway.

I've blogged about this before, but I guess I continue to struggle with it. I'm not that strong yet I take on so much anyway.

I'm off now to eat loaded potato meatloaf casserole and watch Saving Mr.Banks now. Recreation that I don't feel like taking because I feel so antsy and frustrated. But maybe that's why God insists on the rest. To make us take a break and relax.